Ancient Sanātani?

Discussion in 'Conversion Stories' started by deafAncient, May 13, 2015.

  1. deafAncient

    deafAncient New Member

    Namaste to all,

    I have read every story in the Conversion category, and as I expected, I appear to be the only one here, if not in the world, to have experienced not a conversion from one religion to this system of knowledge, beliefs and practices, but a direct connect-up with Sanātana Dharma.

    I am deaf, and I am approaching SD from an Ancient perspective. It is an understanding of the world and the Self without the three lenses of civilization; 1) language, 2) social skills, and 3) religion. It seems seamless, at one with the world. I did not know about language and social norms until I was seven and a half years old, and I did not know about religion for another year, and by then, it was too late. The sense of Self was too well-developed and difficult to control for me to assimilate into any religion and still has been the case. Although I’m 49 now, I’m just now beginning to explore my connections between my Ancient basis and SD, as it is the only thing that reaches out to me. What I have is language-less, unspeakable, indescribable. Saguṇa (with qualities), nirākāra (without form) Brahman is what I see first, before I see avatāras in my mind (the many different manifestations or aspects of the one Brahman we believe in). I see Brahman in terms of some kind of awareness that there is something here within me, like I am in it, and it is in me at the same time. Antaryāmin, as it were...

    Anyhow, it was a very difficult process of learning to speak, read, and write. I was young, full of hormones, and very distracted by the physical material world, which made it hard to focus on academics. It was very frustrating, with frequent after-school lessons and lots of emotional meltdowns in the face of academics I was behind on, as I felt a need to go outside and play uninhibited. It took me years to learn to bring the feral Self under control enough to function in school and not get into so much fighting. Today, I have to do two or three things through the course of a day in a round-robin fashion because my attention shifts just like it did when I was a child. The feeling of boredom or need for variety comes up strongly at times, like some kind of an emotional feelings, and it forces me to shift my attention.

    You have to remember that I came from the "deaf Ancient without religion background,” viewed things from an atheist perspective for several years, and in my 30s, started feel that there was something I had been experiencing all along, because I stopped framing things from an atheist perspective, which means there is no god anywhere, not even within. (Actually, my definition was that I saw no evidence of the presence of a Christian God and Jesus, only that it was supposedly in man-made objects and images of them according to other people who saw them, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t something inside me happening, but I did not yet have the clarity to understand what it was I was experiencing; I only knew that I have a worldview that is unspeakable, indescribable), and then I went through this slow awakening process and going through some of the Pagan history to ascertain my position. About 10 years ago, I stumbled across information on India and its love for gold in a religious setting during my underground financial research days. Now, I have approached the point where I know that this presence has qualities, attributes, saguṇa, but I don’t see sākāra, or forms like the deities we know about. It’s not impersonal, as I’m directly connected with it without language. It’s indescribable. I don’t know if I could bridge the gap between nirākāra and sākāra. I’ve never felt comfortable with it. It's like if I think about Brahman, I reflect back onto myself, I think about myself.

    I do not yet have a sampradāya, as I haven't nailed down where I am headed. I have read many books, such as:
    American Exceptionalism
    Arise Arjuna!
    Aryan Invasion Theory
    Beyond Birth and Death
    Bhakti Yoga
    Brahman: Many Forms of Formless
    Dharma Global Ethic
    Don't Delay Enlightenment
    Easy Journey to Other Planets
    Indian Philosophy
    Invading the Sacred
    Kali's Child Revisted
    Rajivji Malhotra's articles
    Medha Journal
    Monkey on a Stick
    Radical Universalism
    Western Dominance

    Currently, I'm reading the massive Mandala of Indic Studies web site and Science of the Sacred. I repeat the reading of the Brahman book noted above on a regular basis now because it's an excellent booklet on the breadth of SD for beginners. I'm really reading three books at any given time. I haven't really read scriptures yet because I wanted to educate myself on what it means to be a westerner and how it impacts me as a person and my approach to SD. As times goes on, the more I see parallels between SD and my Ancient views that I built up over the decades. I even found out that Natural Hygiene, a full-breadth practice of healthful living, has origins at least from Ayurveda. I did not know it, but at the time, I learned about the idea of ahiṃsa from one of the chapters in the course material over 20 years ago!

    I have several more books I want to read to get a really full picture before I commit to the scriptures and sacred writings on a daily basis (not that I have doubts, but I feel it's important to get the knowledge and history of India so that I can appreciate the reading more fully, more richly). Eventually, I will be reading a contemporary book ABOUT SD and another book of scripture together. It's so much to do!

  2. garry420

    garry420 Well-Known Member

    Great great to know about u...well it needs loads of experience where in we guys get churned to reach to a phase where we see Sanatana Dharma as door step to peace and eternal-ism...and that's when physical lust comes to an hardly happens at very young have experienced it quite early to be very frank

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